Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
