take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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