Umm I'm too high to move.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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