can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
