i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
