Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
