I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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