So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
