Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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