After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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