I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
