32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
