Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
