i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize