I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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