that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
