your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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