I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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