Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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