Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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