I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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