I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
