he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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