I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
