no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
