dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
