ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
found the other keg... it's in the tree
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
