omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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