ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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