She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
