i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
