Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
