I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Life is so much better after having sex.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
