i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
