Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am one with the molecules
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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