What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
