You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
