theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
