my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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