I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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