Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize