i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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