I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
