i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
