he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
