I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how drunk are you?
Several
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
