It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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