I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
