i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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