I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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