Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
