I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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