We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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