I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
