Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
