glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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