I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
