Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
