Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i came on her dog
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
