i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
