Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
