honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
