just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
