She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
