Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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