Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
