So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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