I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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