I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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