yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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