theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
