now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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