I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
