Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
